Day 4 & 5 #100happydays

Ok as I was too busy yesterday I am going to do today and yesterday today 😉

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Day 4: The night before I found out I had an MA in English and what made me happy yesterday was when one of the tour escorts cam e back from a tour with a card to congratulate me.

Day 5: I have to admit that I am really struggling at the moment. I cry a lot and I am finding it hard to see the positives, so maybe blogging something every day will keep me focused. The one thing that cheered me up today was having lunch with my friend Georgina. She made me calm down and feel like a person again and not like somebody has has to function all the time. She also has a blog if you would like to check it out: https://junipernaturaltherapies.wordpress.com/

Day 3 #100happydays

Wow what a day. Today has been a killer work wise, and I just got to the hotel with an almighty headache ready to sleep, when I looked at my emails and saw an email from my University telling me that I now officially have an MA in English. Wow. It has been such a long way and several arguments with the exam board, an official hearing a re-write and now I finally have an MA in English. This means so much to me, as my friend, who died in 2014 financed this MA. He would be so proud and I am actually crying because he can’t be here to celebrate with me, but I finally know that I didn’t let him down and I have passed. Yeahhhh

P.S: A photo with gown and degree will follow x

Uprooted

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When I went through my photo library, I rediscovered this picture which I took in May. I took it because the tree reminded me of how I felt, well and still feel. I feel without roots. I feel ‘unrooted’ or ‘rootless’. I moved from Germany to England at the age of 22, that was 16 years ago now, and I feel I never really spread my roots here. I felt like I was replanted but never really felt ‘home’ here. This is not quite true. I lived n Wincanton for 10years and that was actually a ‘home’ to me, but through the death f my friend I lost my safe place, and am still drifting around. Not having roots or feeling at home can be quite damaging, as it affects your strength. When you are not rooted every tiny bit of wind can blow you all over the place. Some people don’t have roots on purpose. They feel free traveling around. I guess those people are rooted within themselves and that’s what I am missing. I am not grounded within myself and I really need to learn how to do this. But I also feel your surroundings play a big part in that, or maybe not? I ‘uprooted’ myself 16 years ago and I feel I have grown a lot, well not really in height 😉 so if I was as rootless as I feel, I couldn’t have grown right? So maybe it’s just my perception that I am not grounded and I need to change that???

I need some Inspiration

Today I am writing because I need your help. I am feeling drained and tired as my job has sucked all my energy from me in the past week. I used to be able to compartmentalise and create ‘work free’ time to be creative, but it hasn’t worked this week. The storm Angus had caused chaos within the cruise ship industry and the ship I look after had to stay two days in the port, which doubled my workload.

Today was my only day off this week and I did nothing! Seriously nothing. I didn’t even read or draw. I felt empty all day. I normally go outside for a walk to clear my head, but today I was lying on the sofa wrapped in a blanket and did nothing. I need some inspiration, but I don’t know where or how to get it. I need your help with this. What to you do when you need inspiration? Any tips will be appreciated. Are there any activities you do to be inspired? Are there books on inspiration? Thank you in advance.

Frozen for the future

I just heard on the news that a 14 year old, who was dying of cancer, won a court case, to freeze her body and be woken up in the future when or if they find a cure for cancer. My first reaction was: Why? Then I thought about it. of course when you die of cancer when you are 14 years old your life was cut very short and there are many experiences that are taken away from you by this evil disease. I can see why you want a second chance or go at life, if you are that age. But then there was a woman on the radio in her 50’s who said she would also like to be frozen when she dies and be woken up in the future. She also said that she doesn’t mind that there won’t be anyone around she knows. Now that is wrong in my opinion. I feel that death gives our life meaning and we have to accept that we are mortal. Well some religions believe that we are reborn, but that is different to ‘fiddling’ with nature. I myself would not want to be woken up in the future. I found this life hard enough and the challenges the universe throws at me every day are quite enough for one lifetime. I am worried about the effect this would have on humanity. The power that would give some people. Just imagine Donald Trump being woken up again in 100 years.

Maybe I have an old fashioned attitude but if your number is up it is up. As you know I lost two people very dear to me and of course I wished I had more time with them. Imagine the cost as well if everybody gets frozen when they die and not buried. Where are they going to store all those people. Are there going to be skyscraper fridges? And what is if it doesn’t work ?(pessimistic me 😉 ) So I am saying it here in black and white, please do not freeze me when I die!

It’s ok to be still

Today I went to Glastonbury. Having lived in Somerset for 10 years before moving to Dorset, I still feel drawn to this place. I walked through town first and bought a few things and then I decided I needed some quiet time, just sitting still. So I went to Chalice Well gardens. I tried a few spots and a few benches but couldn’t calm my mind, I felt restless, so I walked up, where there is an open spaces with several benches spread out and found a seat under a birch tree. People that know me well know that I am always on the go. I find it difficult to sit down still. I think this has something to do with my childhood, where my parents always called me lazy when I sat down to read, or draw etc. So I carry that feeling with me today. Sitting still for me is associated with being lazy. I got a lot to learn I know 😉

So as I sat on the bench I closed my eyes and just listened to the sounds and took deep breaths. I could smell the leaves, the distinct smell of autumn, which I love. I could hear the wind moving the leaves gently, there were also a few birds singing. While I sat there hoping for some kind of sign from the universe, all I could think was: It’s ok to be still! That’s all I was thinking. I was hoping for some deep inspiration for a novel, or a solution for my current job situation, but all I was thinking was: It’s ok to be still. I sat there for 20 minutes just enjoying the moment and realised how little I do that. Actually never. So from today on I will make a point of being ‘mindfully still’ every day, to give my brain and my body a breather, and maybe, who knows, the inspiration I am so longing for will follow. I just need to give it a chance 😉

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Celebrate your strengths


I had a ‘Performance ‘ meeting with my line manager today. He gave me a form, which looked very modern. It had colourful printing, and even stars, on both sides 😉 As you can imagine one of the questions was: What are your weaknesses? What could you improve? And another question was: What are your strengths? What achievements are you particularly proud of?  I found the question about my weaknesses very easy to answer and filled the box in no time. When it came to my strengths I was struggling a bit. My manager wanted me to give at least three strengths. Mmmmhh I finally had to admit to myself that I am a very organised person. Not OCD organised but, without sounding big headed, I am quite efficient in what I do. I thought about this all day. In the past when people commented on my organisational skills I used to laugh it off and not really take it as a compliment. But hey I realised today: I am very organised and that is good! Why is it so hard to admit our strengths but so easy to find our faults. Some people, me included, are their own worst critics. Don’t be so harsh on yourself! The world and other people are already hard on you. Celebrate your strengths. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion. Start tomorrow, celebrate your strengths xxx!

Seeing the future

I saw the film ‘Arrival’ last night. In the film Amy Adams plays a well established linguistics professor and is asked to meet some aliens and decipher their language. She becomes very involved with the aliens and starts to learn their way of communication. After months and months of work she discovers that the aliens don’t want to attack the earth, but that they have a gift. The gift of ‘time’. They don’t see time as something linear and Amy’s character gains the ability to see the future. She can see a baby, growing into a young girl, which dies of a rare disease. At the end of the movie she gets together with Jeremy Renner’s character. Who will be the father of that child she saw in her visions of the future. Right at the end she asks him: “If you could see your whole life laid out in front of you with all the ups and downs, would you change something?”.

This questions made me think. She knew her daughter was going to die pf that rare disease, yet she chose to still go ahead and live her life just as she saw it in her future visions. I talked with my friend about that and he said that if she had changed anything she would have missed out on the good bits as well. That is true. I keep thinking, if I had known what life in the U.K would be like before moving here, would I still have moved? The answer is yes, despite all the downs, there were many ups and it helped me become the person I am today. You could ask yourself that question about your whole life. Of course there are things that I would like to change, or mistakes i wished I had never made. Yet it was all a learning curve. And yes although she knew that her daughter was going to die, she still decided to have her, because otherwise she would have missed out on all the fantastic memories and moments with her little girl. If you were able to see your whole life laid out in front of you, would you want to change it?