Fluting for horses

img_0171

Blog post available:  https://paintedhorse.org.uk/…/…/capture-the-moment-in-sound/

This week I have been playing my flute in a yard with three horse. It was a really great experience. My two friends (who also have websites on here and I will post their links at the end of this blog) are Equine therapists. They use horses in therapy sessions with humans. On Monday I took my flute to the yard. As you can see from the video (link above), to start with i stood a bit further away from the three horses. i didn’t want to be in their faces, so to speak. But as I was playing one horse after the other came really close and their little whiskers touched the end of the flute. I think they could feel the vibration of the flute. They all had a little moment with me and the flute and then they stood the other side of the yard listening. When I stopped playing they stood still for a while. They appeared to be very relaxed. After that my two friends put up the Reiki bed in the middle of the yard and asked me to lie on it. They covered me with a fury blanket, which seemed to freak out the female horse. She was scared and wanted to get away. I had to sit up and show her that I was a person and not an alien 😉 I closed my eyes and my friend did Reiki on me. Now I don’t really know what happened but i could feel one horse pushing the blanket of me with his nose. A moment later i could feel a horse very close to my right ear and later at my left ear. I could also feel a horse at my feet. But it felt to me as if they mostly spend time at my head.

If I was to interpret that in some sort of way is that they may have felt hat there is a lot going on in my head and they wanted to send me some healing to hat area. It is true that there is a lot going on in my head. It never really stops and thoughts are tumbling over each other and lately due to my recent stay in hospital I felt very down and let down by the system and maybe the horses were giving me a bit of healing back, after I gave them a little play on my flute. It was an amazing day, which gave me a new idea which has been simmering inside me for a while I just didn’t know how to use it…Stay tuned for more on that subject 😉

Here are the links to my friends websites. They are both amazing and very kind and intuitive people. I can highly recommend them!!!

Georgina McBurney on: https://junipernaturaltherapies.wordpress.com/

Livvy Adams on: https://paintedhorse.org.uk/

 

Friendship

On Thursday I went on a road trip with a friend to Glastonbury. I had an appointment in the morning because I wanted to try some alternative methods to help with my pain. At about lunchtime I walked into town to meet her. When I arrived I saw that her friend was with her. I could see that they had a very close bond and that they enjoyed each others company and felt really comfortable to joke around and have a laugh. For some reason I felt like a fish wheel. It made me somehow feel uncomfortable. This could be for one that I am in a really bad frame of mind and the pain is not controllable and I am desperately am seeking help and am willing to try anything to make it stop. The other thing that made me uncomfortable was was that I was in really no joking mood. I started to make me think back to the times when I had a really strong friendship group with two other girls and we had may laughs, but this is now 20 years ago. And I wish these times back.

They obviously had much in common and had lots to talk about but I felt that I was bringing their mood down. Lately I prefer spending time by myself. Mainly sleeping or sitting around. I can’t seem to pull myself out of this hole and I know I have been pushing friends away because I don’t even answer the phone anymore because even talking seems so much effort. This brings me to the other point.

The alternative therapist I saw that morning accused me of speaking too fast and making her feel anxious. Now people that know me well know I don’t speak fast and that I am the least threatening person you will meet. I can’t even scare children 😉 That on top of what I have just told you send me even further down the spiral. i went to that lady because I am desperate for help and she does something like that. I send her a text message saying that I don’t want to stick with my next appointments, and her reply was that I am pushing her and her help away. AM I? I know I have been pushing friends away because I don’t want them to see me like this. I am pushing her away because I find her useless, disorganised, expensive and not trustworthy. I think there is a difference? What do you think?

At One with Nature

IMG_2008.JPG

The other day (before my second hospital stay) I went into a nearby forest. I had bought this new Native American flute and it needed to be ‘cleansed’ with sage smoke before the first play. The guy I bought the flute from described the ritual in great detail and even provided the ‘stuff’ that needed to be burnt to cleanse the flute and me. As I am not a massive fan of anything that smokes, so I thought that I will perform this ritual n the forest, just as it was described in the story the guy had send me.

I took everything I needed and put it in a bag and drove to the nearest car parking area. Then I walked down a path. In my mind I needed to find a secluded spot, because I wanted to be totally alone and have enough quiet time. In order to do find such a place I needed to come of the path. I started climbing up a slight slope into the forest. There was no path, but I didn’t mind. It was kind of exciting. After a while I found a fallen tree. This was perfect as I could sit on it and hide behind the roots. I started to collect some stones to make a circle, as you can see in the above picture. Then I put the heart shaped fire prove dish in the middle and lit the ‘stuff’. When it began to smoke I cleansed the flute and then me. After a while I sat back down, closed my eyes and began to play the flute.

This was almost magical. Absolute silence, just the wind and my flute. When I opened my eyes there were two stags standing about 20 metres away from me, just looking at me. I felt really happy at that moment, as they knew I meant them no harm and they were my first audience:-) I carried on playing for a bit and then I just sat there. Those stags did not move until I was packing up my bits and pieces. They didn’t really run away the sort of walked off. It was as if they were watching over me.

I know some people might think this is crazy. A ‘relatively’ young woman sitting in the middle of a forest by herself. They might even think it is dangerous, but to me it felt great. I felt free, open and calm. I have never had a feeling like this before.

At the moment pain is stopping me from driving but I am really looking forward to going to the forest again. Being outside and in touch with nature can sometimes be a great healer and better than any medicine you can take.

Dear Health Care Provider…

As many of you know, I live in the UK and our health care provider is the NHS. As many of you know it has gone down hill and it has got even worse since the announcement of the Brexit.

…Last year in October I was submitted to hospital with severe lower abdominal pain. I was kept in hospital for two days. An ultrasound scan showed nothing, so the specialist doctor decided to put me on a trial of injections that shuts down the functions of my ovaries. The side affects of that was going through early menopause. I was meant to have 4 injections and see a specialist again on December the 29th. As that appointment was unmovable I cut my Christmas holiday short and returned specifically for that appointment, only to find that my gynecologist was on holiday and his replacement was a useful as a chocolate teapot. Anyway she told me that I will need a hysterectomy and will be put on a waiting list, but I would have to see the consultant before. There was me thinking she was a consultant??? Anyway I received an appointment for the 9th March. This was at the time 2 months away. Just for a chat with the consultant! Anyway last week I found myself in unbearable pain again. My GP admitted me to hospital and I was seen by a junior doctor who diagnosed me with acute appendicitis. There was one problem…my appendix was taken out 20 years ago! Great confidence in the system…

Anyway I was taken to a ward were I spend three days and two nights. They did yet another ultra sound and found ….nothing. I told them that they wouldn’t but they don’t listen! The junior doctor came to see me on the Friday to say that my ultra sound was fine and I should go home, but I was lying there crying in pain and unable to move until the nurse pointed out to him that I was in no fit state to go anywhere. I demanded to see a senior consultant. Low and behold the next day three doctors turned up. The oldest looking one told me that before taking anything out he would like to do key hole surgery to see what’s going on. Finally I thought somebody talking sense. In the next sentence he told me that the waiting list for that is 12 weeks. I thought I was going to explode. I told him that I was in pain now and that I needed him to look now. He then suggested to up my dose of morphine to get on top of the pain. I told him that I  didn’t want morphine I wanted to know what’s going on. He then replied that my ultra sound showed nothing! I then told him that an ultra sound does not show everything. It does not show ovarian cancer, adhesions, or endometriosis. He laughed and told me I was being dramatic and that my blood was also ok. I told him that adhesions, endometriosis do not show in the blood. He told me that I will have to wait, as he wants to operate and that there is a waiting list. I am so frustrated with this stupid system here. What else has to happen for them to actually do something??? Do I need to bleed?

Pleading with God

I had to spend three days in hospital last week. It was a six bed hospital room and I was by far the youngest. In the bed opposite was a 95 year old lady. She had a chest infection and was very very confused. She didn’t know where she was and why she was there. Nobody came to visit her. The hospital was waiting for a bed on the geriatric ward to become available. She cried during the night and was pleading with God: Please come and get me Lord. Please take me. I can’t do this anymore. What have I done wrong? Why do you punish me so. Please make me go to sleep forever!

It made me think. Even in her confused state she still remembered God. Her faith must have been strong throughout the years. God is the only one that can give her relive from her pains. To be absolutely honest I can fully understand her wish to die. At 95 she has had enough and wants to rest. And why is God doing that to her, if there is a God? Sometimes people say that you don’t die because God still has a purpose for you. Really? What world changing purpose has this ill old woman? I am not sounding mean,  but having heard and seen the suffering and pain of this woman I am truly asking the Why? question.

I used to be a Christian and was very active in our local parish, but my beliefs have changed over the years for that very reason: If there is an almighty God, why the unnecessary suffering? There are other reasons for my stepping off the ‘Christian train’, but this is one of them.

Songs and Memories

img_0114

Tonight I went to see the movie ‘Sing’. I really enjoyed it and was singing along to most songs. Towards the end when it comes to the big performance, the finale, the mouse, who is into swing, sings ‘My way’ and my floodgates open. Although my dearest friend and soulmate died in 2014, this song was played at his funeral as it really really describes his life, plus he was a massive Frank Sinatra fan. I can’t control it. Every time I hear this song I cry. When it starts on the radio I turn it off. I listen to it in private moments when I can let emotions and memories run freely.

There are so many positive, negative, happy and indeed sad moments in my life that are accompanied by a certain song. Sometimes when I hear a song by chance I remember the moment. Other moments have a chosen song that will stick in my memory and will be forever associated with that particular moment. ‘High’ by the Lighthouse family is one of those songs that makes me smile, as me and two of my friends did a dance on rollerblades on that and just made everybody laugh. That shattered my hopes to ever perform in ‘Starlight Express’ 😀.

Do you have certain songs you associate with particular moments?