Scars are part of life. We all got them. We all took a fall at some point or other or bumped into something and got bruised or scraped our knees. Sometimes we hurt ourselves a bit more or we need an operation then we need stitches and have bigger and permanent scars. Then weeks, months or years later we will still remember where that scar came from. These are outside wounds that give us scars, but what about the inside wounds, the hurts that scar our heart and soul? They maybe invisible form the outside, they hurt us though nevertheless. Sometimes they hurt more.
I recently read the book ‘Into The Water’ by Paula Hawkins, and one of the characters says: ‘Showing someone you’re hurt is the worst thing you’d an do!’ I don’t actually agree with that. If you are close to the person that hurt you, or is hurting you it can be quite ‘healing’ to speak to them about it. I agree it is not always easy, as saying: ‘You hurt me’ or ‘You are hurting me’ takes some courage. I don’t think it’s the worst thing you can do.
I myself am very bad at this. Not because I think it’s a bad thing to do but because I am afraid of the answer. My mum has hurt me quite badly over the years. I don’t mean physically, but with some of her actions and I have actually never said anything, as in turn I may have hurt her badly and I am afraid of her reply. I once had a friend and we were very very close and this is the one person that has hurt me so much and I really would like to say something as the way he hurt me no one has ever done before.
He was a bit older than me and his wife died of cancer and I was there for him all the way. I took him on outings, I organised a holiday for a small group of us, I introduced him gradually to a lot of people in my circle of friends. I listened, I went swimming with him once a week, I cooked meals. I did my very best to help him not to withdraw from life. Then when my dad was dying of cancer I send him a text as I didn’t know how to handle it. It was so incredibly painful watching my father wither away from this cruel illness, and I will never forget this friends reply: “I am not sure what I can do for you. You just have to get through. I can’t be of much help!”. In the worst moment of my life I reached out to the one person who had been through a similar situation and I got that reply. I have never forgiven him for that! I then withdrew from all friendship groups he was in. He is still a big part in all those groups, but this person has hurt my heart more than anybody ever did. This scar is still quite sore. Do you think I should tell him? Or should I write a letter and then burn it? Some people say that can be healing too.