You hurt me!

Scars are part of life. We all got them. We all took a fall at some point or other or bumped into something and got bruised or scraped our knees. Sometimes we hurt ourselves a bit more or we need an operation then we need stitches and have bigger and permanent scars. Then weeks, months or years later we will still remember where that scar came from. These are outside wounds that give us scars, but what about the inside wounds, the hurts that scar our heart and soul? They maybe invisible form the outside, they hurt us though nevertheless. Sometimes they hurt more.

I recently read the book ‘Into The Water’ by Paula Hawkins, and one of the characters says: ‘Showing someone you’re hurt is the worst thing you’d an do!’ I don’t actually agree with that. If you are close to the person that hurt you, or is hurting you it can be quite ‘healing’ to speak to them about it. I agree it is not always easy, as saying: ‘You hurt me’ or ‘You are hurting me’ takes some courage. I don’t think it’s the worst thing you can do.

I myself am very bad at this. Not because I think it’s a bad thing to do but because I am afraid of the answer. My mum has hurt me quite badly over the years. I don’t mean physically, but with some of her actions and I have actually never said anything, as in turn I may have hurt her badly and I am afraid of her reply. I once had a friend and we were very very close and this is the one person that has hurt me so much and I really would like to say something as the way he hurt me no one has ever done before.

He was a bit older than me and his wife died of cancer and I was there for him all the way. I took him on outings, I organised a holiday for a small group of us, I introduced him gradually to a lot of people in my circle of friends. I listened, I went swimming with him once a week, I cooked meals. I did my very best to help him not to withdraw from life. Then when my dad was dying of cancer I send him a text as I didn’t know how to handle it. It was so incredibly painful watching my father wither away from this cruel illness, and I will never forget this friends reply: “I am not sure what I can do for you. You just have to get through. I can’t be of much help!”. In the worst moment of my life I reached out to the one person who had been through a similar situation and I got that reply. I have never forgiven him for that! I then withdrew from all friendship groups he was in. He is still a big part in all those groups, but this person has hurt my heart more than anybody ever did. This scar is still quite sore. Do you think I should tell him? Or should I write a letter and then burn it? Some people say that can be healing too.

7 thoughts on “You hurt me!

  1. I think you could always write a letter and send it, but know that perhaps you won’t get the answer you are looking for. If you know that ahead of time, then write it because it needs to be said. How he reacts or does not react does not matter. For me, I have such a strong need to share how I feel… or perhaps more accurately, I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I have to meet someone who has hurt me, it is so incredibly difficult to be around them and it is obvious from my body language. If you don’t have to see him and just want to get those feelings out, I think that there’s no harm especially if you don’t hang around him anymore anyway.

    And… perhaps there was a reason he said what he said (although for us, it would be odd to think of). This would give him a chance (if he cared) to make things right.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have been hurt too, and have reached out to those people to talk about it. Sometimes we were able to work it out and restore fellowship, and other times it totally backfired and we grew apart further still. But it either case, I was left with a clear conscience, knowing that I had tried to restore the relationship and did not choose to hold the grudge inside and let it become a bitterness.

    Liked by 1 person

      • And I do hope it turns out well… I’d also like to say that I’m sorry for your loss. My dad passed 6 years ago from brain cancer. It was hard watching him deteriorate, but I cherished all the time I got to sit by his bed, working puzzles with him while he still could, watching movies with him while he was still interested, and reading and singing to him when he could not respond anymore. Though he was always a wonderful dad to me, this happy-sad period at the end of his life are now some of the sweetest memories I have of him.

        Liked by 1 person

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