Where has my motivation gone?


I got back from Germany on Wednesday very late and have been sitting around in a stupor since. I was booked on the national express from Heathrow to Poole, but due to the massive cues at passport control I missed it and had to wait to 20:30 at terminal 5. But to be honest I just sat there. I didn’t notice the time going by or people talking. I just sat there staring into space. Although I felt exhausted i couldn’t even doze. My mind was racing. Even when I got on the bus and the 2.5 hrs to Poole, I cold not sleep. I am exhausted but restless. Have you ever been in a state like that? When I finally got home about midnight I went straight to bed and slept for 10 hours. Thursday I didn’t do much. Just washing, unpacking and so on. I was meant to write a piece for writing club about the topic of ‘ships’, but my head was empty of ideas and yet full of other stuff.

Today was writing club. It started at 10:00. I got up at 7:30, but really thought of going back to bed and sending an email with my apologies. I hadn’t written anything and the thought of leaving the house made me recoil. I finally stepped into the shower and drove into town. I listened to the stories about ships the others had written and to be honest I am glad I went. The motivation and creativity of the others helped me to gain a little bit of focus again. The have the advantage of either being retired and able to write whenever they want, or they are working writers. When I looked around I almost felt like I don’t belong there. For some reason I have lost all motivation to carry on writing my crime novel or any story for that matter.

I have to go back to work this weekend after two months sick leave and I am very nervous and sad. I should be glad to have a job that pays the bills, but the lack of ‘get up and go’ is like a magnet pulling me down. I feel so tired all the time. I am trying to see the positives. A friend of mine always says that when you have traveled a fair distance your soul takes some time to catch up with you. Maybe my soul has not yet arrived here and it will bring with it my motivation.

3 thoughts on “Where has my motivation gone?

  1. I hope things turn up better in the next few days for you. Motivation can be a problem. I had a similar issue the last week. I started finding it yesterday and today it staying strong. Loved your analogy about the soul not having caught up quite yet. Figure out 5 positive things to look forward to next week, one for each day of work… and determine how to keep focus on those so you have something happy each day. That might turn it around quicker. Good Luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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