Today I went swimming in a pool for the first time since last September. I always used to love swimming and I was always very good at it, if I may say so 😉 but due to the constant pain I wasn’t really able to swim, properly, by that I mean the way I am used to, so I didn’t go at all.
I had checked with my GP last week if it was ok to swim, as it was only two months after the surgery. In the past I always swam 40 lengths, because that’s 1km and I always did it in 30 minutes. I didn’t’ expect to do that today. So I swam 20 lengths in 20 minutes. And then the pain started to be really bad. I actually felt faint. It started at length 15, but I thought I could push myself to at least half of what I used to do. I didn’t feel exhausted or anything it was just the pain stopping me from moving my legs in the water. So I got out and had a long shower. I felt very disappointed. Then I thought at least I made a start and took the plunge. I need to give myself more credit and stop expecting so much of myself all the time. I have to learn to be my best friend and treat myself with more respect.
This is an issue I have been dealing with pretty much all my life. I guess it has to do with learned behaviour. I had some Reiki whilst I was in Germany and my friend who did the Reiki on me could sense that I was feeling very uncomfortable and disconnected from my own body. This is true I would go as far as to say I feel extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. This has not only got to do with being overweight, because I know thin people that are uncomfortable in their own skin. She suggested to do activities were I can relax and enjoy the feeling of being in my ‘skin’. Today I had a massage and a swim. I am planning to go swimming once a week to start with and slowly built up to what I used to do. It was a huge effort for me to actually go out and put on my cosy, but I guess it was worth it. I took the plunge 😉