I really love trees. I love the forest. Were I grew up there was forest all around us. My dad loved the forest too. We always had dogs and they needed walking three times a day. My dad taught me all the names of the different trees. When I need to calm down and take a breather I feel more comfortable in a forest then by the sea. Well I do live on Portland which is surrounded by the sea, which is also nice, but I guess I feel somehow more comfortable surrounded by trees.
In some ways I envy trees. They are so strongly rooted in one place. it would take a lot to knock them down or move them. I read a book called: “The secret live of trees”, which is very interesting. Especially city trees are not always comfortable were they are and often they are put there by humans, out of there natural habitat. Now when I see a tree in a city I feel their sadness. They don’t like being there. Their roots can’t expand endlessly into the ground, they can’t grow or spread until they feel comfortable.
When I had some Reiki done a couple of weeks ago I was told that I was not grounded. This is repeated information for me as then same thing was told to me the beginning of the year. When a person is not grounded, or rooted, every little problem can knock them over. They get pushed and knocked around and they are unable to stand their ground. Being rooted, or grounded doesn’t necessarily have something to do with having a fixed home, or place to live. Somebody living in a caravan moving from place to place can be more grounded than me, who lives in a house in a fixed place. It has something to do with personality and my emotional state. Life circumstances make me feel not grounded and my roots are laying bare. To solve this I was told to imagine roots growing out of my feet and angering me into the ground. Also the colour red is associated with the root chakra. I used to love red but nowadays I rely on black when it comes to clothing. I need to change that! I want to be more grounded and rooted, as lately it has become a problem. Not being grounded means that people do push you around. In a way I have to become more edgy and stand my ground and then the respect of others will follow. But that is a whole different can of worms, as I do believe that I have to respect myself before others will respect me…But like I said, that is a whole different an of worms 🐛
Today’s blog is based again on something I read in the NLP book I mentioned before in a previous blog. I often say “I really need to try and do this…, or I really need to do that…”. For example ‘I really need to try and lose some weight’, or ‘I really need to try and write every day’, or ‘I try and eat healthy’…there are many many more examples I could give. It’s like the scene in Star Wars when the Joda asks Luke Skywalker to beam the spaceship out of the swamp by just using the power of the force and Luke says: “I try” and Yoda answers: “Do or do not there is no try”. It’s so true. Either you do it or you don’t there is no trying.
What also plays an important part is when we tell ourselves that we have to do certain things. Like ‘I have o lose weight’, or ‘I have to write everyday’, or ‘I have to excercise every day’. We know that from our childhood when we have to clean pour rooms or have to finish our plate before we were aloud to get up from the table. Anything with the words ‘have to’ rear up negative emotions in us. Th eowrst of all is probably ‘I have o go to work’!
If we were to replace ‘have to’ with ‘I will’ the sentence all for sudden changes in motivation. ‘I will lose weight’ or ‘I will write every day’ sound a to more motivating and like a good plan that we will put into action. Of course ‘I will go to work’ is more of a statement of fact rather than a plan of action 😉 But you are getting my drift don’t you?
Another thing I read which I found very interesting is that Churchill apparently said: “Never ever give up. Always return to plan A”. What this means is that let’s say you are sticking to a new eating regime and you fall off the wagon on a certain day, it doesn’t really matter and you don’t have to beat yourself up about it but return to plan A as soon as you noticed that you deviated from it. Life often throws us curve balls and deviations. That’s not a problem, we can deal with them, swerve, and then return to pan A. That’s what Churchills words mean to me, but maybe I have misunderstood them, or they can be interpreted in a different way.
I have always taken pride in the fact that since I got my driving license, which was 21 years ago, I have never had an accident, until last week ;-(
Work has been very stressful and even on my ‘supposed’ days off my phone never stops ringing. It will either be an email or a call and it is always ‘apparently’ really urgent. Last Wednesday was a really awful day weatherwise, but I still need to drive to the garage to fill it up with Diesel and check the tyre pressure. Of course I took my work phone with me, in case one of those ‘life and death situations’ will arise again. I got absolutely soaked doing the tyres, so I decided to also take a walk along the seafront. For this I left the phone in the car, as it was blowing a gale, i wouldn’t have heard it anyway. Low and behold I get back to the car and have seven missed calls. yes seven, and that on my day off an dI was only out walking for about 30 minutes. I tried to ring back the caller but they didn’t pick up, so I started driving back home. I was just about 5 minutes away from home a queue of traffic had started to build up by a roundabout and my phone was bleeping and ringing non stop. I got so agitated by that and stressed that I did not see the van infront of me stop and I ran into the back of him.
I pulled up and put the flashers on and looked at the damage. Whilst my car looked like it has been in a minefield, his van was kind of fine. He had a really old van, which was bend out of shape anyway. So he said:”Your car really looks bad. Mine already looked shit, You know what we forget about it. You sort your car out. I’ll be fine”. I was so grateful to that man I could have cried there and then. There was still the problem of fixing my car. I taped it with parcel tape and had it fixed the day after. The grill on the front is still missing as they had to order that.
What I have learned from this is. Firstly work is not that important that you crash your car. Work does not care about your car, they need you to function that’s all. They don’t realise that I am so conscientious and answer emails and calls even on my day off, because I am very dedicated to my job. Secondly whilst driving always have your phone on silent. Nothing absolutely nothing is worth crashing your car and least of all work! Thirdly I have been so stressed lately and have had no time for myself, that I really need to make a stand, for my health sake. This accident has brought my all so busy live to a full stop for a reason. It was as if this accident happen to show me that I have to stop sometimes and put me first. Just stop and breathe. Nothing absolutely nothing is more important than you and your health. I was lucky that it was only a minor crash. It could have ended far worst. It was a warning for me to just stop! I am a very conscientious person and do any job 100% sometimes even 200% but this accident has shown me that it is not worth it. My perfectionism and conscientiousness have driven me too far. STOP! FULLSTOP! Nothing is so important that it can’t wait until you arrive at your destination or at least have a chance to pull over. The sender of the email does not put you first. You have to put yourself and safety first!
I learned one other thing and I will find this very hard to put into practise. Things only stress me out because I let them. So I need to chill ore and not let them stress me out. Like I said, this will take me a while 😉
At the moment I am reading this book about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). NLP is the practice of understanding how people organise their thinking, feeling, language and behaviour to produce the results they do. I love this book as it is written as a novel and not a boring book about facts. It is now the second time I am reading it through, as the first time I was just purely enjoying it and now I am making notes. NLP can be used for all sorts of issues, the book is about weight loss but as I said the advice can be used for all sorts of other problems. The main point is that our conscious thoughts are less helpful in reaching our goals, but our supconsious thoughts are really important. When formulating a goal we have to put in in such words as if we have already reached the goal. Change happens when we become more aware of our behaviour. we have to uncover our subconscious thought patterns in order for change to start happening. The book has a lot of useful excercises which I am going to share with you over the coming weeks, as I am working my way through them for the second time.
Today I did the following excercise, which can be applied to anything you want to achieve.
The first question you need to ask yourself is:
1.What is your goal? What do you really want to achieve?
You have to formulate your answer in a positive way remember, as if you have already reached your goal. Your brain can’t cope with don’t and no!
2. What do you need to change in your behaviour in order to reach your goal?
Remember be positive in your answer.
3. Can you reach your goal by yourself?
4. What do you gain by reaching your goal?
5.What do you lose by reaching your goal?
After I answered all these questions I noticed that I gain far more than I lose. In fact I lose nothing when I am trying to achieve my goal, which is in this case losing weight. I also tried the excercise by making the goal to become a published writer,again I have nothing to lose 😉
Remember your subconsious can’t deal with negative statements. Always make your goals and answers positive. try it and you’ll be surprised.