Childhood Daemons

The other day I stumbled across the facebook profile of a guy who I used to go to school with. He was an arse back then and a bullie. He was never very intelligent but he was, what girls used to consider, handsome. I never really liked him and he and some others were making my school life hell. I was a misfit in secondary school. My parents could never afford the ‘right’ clothes or send me on trips to America, or Skiing holidays or afford riding lessons. Yes I was bullied in school and I have to say it affected the rest of life quite dramatically. It knocked my confidence wich never recovered from those days.

Anyway so I see this arsehole now lives in Dubai. He has a wife that looks like Barbie and has a house with a swimming pool. They got married on the Seychelles and it looked like an Oscar worthy wedding, if it had been on film. When I saw this I started wondering why is it that always the arseholes land on their feet and have the ‘dreamlife’. Why can he live a dream life and I have to scratch around for every penny in a mediocre job? 

I also saw these comments underneath someone else’s pictures where their mother told them, very publicly that she was proud of them, or that they looked beautiful.

Some people believe that this is not the only live we have been living and that we chose our next lives according to the lessons we still need to learn. So I have chosen this live and my parents even before I was born. What the hell was I thinking? What lessons am I meant to learn, so I don’t have to do this again? 

I had an awful childhood if I may say so, with parents that really didn’t give a shit. Well my dad kind of did as he was always concerned with earning enough money for us. My parents never ever said: I love you, or I am proud of you, or gave us a hug. Even on his death bed when I told my father that I loved him, he could not say it back.                                                                                I go from one shit job to another, never really earning enough money . You could of course say: Life is what I make of it. But why do arseholes always seem to win?

 I am feeling hard done by at the moment as you might get from this blog. What am I meant to learn in this lifetime? And why can’t I be successful with something? Why am I always the underdog? Maybe you know the answer to some of my questions.

5 thoughts on “Childhood Daemons

  1. I don’t know you that well, but these are my answers. What am I meant to learn in this lifetime? Nothing to learn only to remember.
    And why can’t I be successful with something? All you have to do is put the time and you will be successful.
    Why am I always the underdog? Because of your childhood. Heal the inner child.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Britta, the world is full of arseholes who continue to be arseholes with lovely lives, Barbie Doll wives and so on because the world is predisposed to allow arseholes to prevail. Well, that’s one way of looking at it. I don’t. I could never abide arseholes nor bullies and, though of slight build, never let one get the better of me. I can’t answer your questions and I certainly would never offer those bland and meaningless admonishments that suggest things will be alright in the end. I wouldn’t let your man in Dubai get you down but, if it’s any consolation, he probably has tax problems, untrustworthy clients, a wayward wife and a severe prostate problem. Concentrate on yourself. You have interests and a keen eye for observation.

    Liked by 1 person

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