As I mentioned before, I had a full hysterectomy in May this year. The operating gynaecologist didn‘t prescribe me any HRT immediately, as he thought I have so much body fat, that my body may produce some by itself. Well, he was proven wrong. In August I had a small procedure done to have an implant fitted in my lower abdomen. I haven‘t noticed any change, intact I felt worse and the wound just would not heal. It was getting very uncomfortable and last week the implant had to be taken out, as my body was rejecting it. I had a chat with him about other options. He explained to me that he is worried, as I am so young, his words not mine ;-), he needs to get the dose right to give me some quality of life. This made me think. HRT can give me some quality of life back. I have to be honest. The mood swings, the crying or the anger outbursts have been getting out of hand. I had turned into a person I didn‘t like myself. In fact I have had very dark thoughts lately. I just wasn‘t understanding what‘s happening with me. I was beginning to think I need anti depressants, as my mood was just not lifting. I was either angry, really red hot angry, or I was crying. On Tuesday night for example. I have just started an evening class in creative writing and it is something I am very passionate about. But on Tuesday night I just sat there. I stared at the floor a lot not to catch the teachers attention. She asked us to read our stories we wrote about a colour of our choice, but I hadn‘t written anything. My mind was blank and has been for a while. I thought I would chose black, but then decided that would lead me down a very sad and somber path, so I just said that I had writers block. Although we know that there is no such thing as writers block 😉
Anyway the gynaecologist decided to put me on tablets and double the dose and then he said again that it would give me my quality of life back, and I thought: If only 😉 What gives your life quality? Is it the food we eat? The house we live in? Our partners? How we spent our time? A mixture of the above? Or is it indeed a little HRT pill? I have started to take them last Wednesday. So far I haven‘t had any anger fits, but have cried a lot, but that may have something to do with the fact that my boss told me two weeks ago to start looking for another job…but let‘s not go down that path. Let‘s hope that these little pills can bring back some of the Britta I know and seem to have lost since the operation in May.