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I was looking for a word for my current mood and after searching the thesaurus found the word crestfallen the most fitting. It doesn’t only describe my mood it also describes in a way what has happened to me. I feel like I have fallen or sunk to a very low point. I am a ware of course that I could sink even further but right now it feels depressing.

Last week I started work as a coach driver again. now you think coach driving isn’t so bad, right? But I am not talking about the sort of coach driving where you go to a nice pace, have a few hours off and rive back. that’s what I used to do, but as I have not driven a coach in two years and I am new to this particular company I have to start at the bottom, which means actually cleaning coaches. I start at 7am in the morning and finish at 5pm at night. Four hours of that is being on a school run, one hour is for lunch and the rest is cleaning. This isn’t the most frustrating bit, as cleaning coaches would be fine, but the company owns about 12 coaches and there are about 6 of us, all needing ‘to look busy’ and if the coaches aren’t going anywhere they don’t really need cleaning every day, if you see what I mean.

The worst part is tea break and lunch. We all sit is this little hut, which they call ‘tea room’, I would call shed. There are chairs of all sorts and sizes in there, but only about enough room for 8 of us. The mechanics use this room as well. So come tea break we all file in there to actually get a place to sit and that’s when ‘the fun’ starts. I am not the only female driver. There is another woman working there. She is 20 and has only just recently passed her test, but she is a real ‘petrol head’ and well into engine talk and so on.

So you can imagine. last week I was already told by one mechanic that he would love to put me over his knee, to which I replied that I was taller than him and I advised him not to try unless he liked hospital food. I had one driver tell me his whole live story in one lunch break. I even know now how his son was conceived!

I got even more depressed when two jobs came up for December to take two groups to a German Christmas market and I wasn’t even considered for the job. I feel like crying. I am trying to tell myself that I am lucky to have a job but I can’t help feeling depressed. I have so many qualifications, I have 2 MA’s and one BA (Hons) and I ended up here. My only hope is that when the company gets busy they will have to ask me to do a proper trip. I have a license since 2003, but I guess as a woman I will have to prove myself, before they will take me as an equal. My other hope is that I will find an office job, as I can’t see myself driving a coach until I am 60. it was always meant to be a back up plan, in case I can’t find a job I can drive a coach. Well I guess this is now one of those back up situations.

All of this has certainly taught me a lesson. Although I was always moaning about my last job, I can now appreciate how good I had it then.

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